Harry Potter and the Evil Teddy
by D.F.O
Summary: Harry's failed most of his OWLs, Rons going out with Hermione, and Harry has to gain Voldemort's approval to date his daughter. And lets not even get started on Voldemort's evil teddy...
1. Chapter One

Chapter One:  
  
It was a beautiful fine morning and Harry was having another spaz attack because Sirius Black was dead.  
  
Suddenly, there was a tap at the window. It was the school owl.  
  
"HOOT!"  
  
Harry opened the window, and took the owl inside.  
  
It had a brown envelope with the Hogwarts crest on it.  
  
On the front, it said:  
  
O.W.L.s  
  
Harry, hands shaking, opened the envelope.  
  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
Here are you OWL results:  
  
Defense Against the Dark Arts: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
(terrific! Thought Harry)  
  
Transfiguration: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
(amazing! Thought Harry)  
  
Divination: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
Care of Magical Creatures: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
Charms: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
History of Magic: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
Herbology: Practical: T Theory: T  
  
Potions: Practical: D Theory D  
  
(Dreadful... well, I wasn't expecting anything better. At least I got 'terrific' in everything else!)  
  
Harry looked at the bottom of the paper.  
  
D = Distinction  
  
(WHAT?! Thought Harry)  
  
E = Exceeds Expectations  
  
A = Acceptable  
  
P = Poor  
  
T = Terrible  
  
Harry turned over the piece of paper.  
  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
You have not fulfilled the requirements of, therefore you will have to retake your OWLs at Christmas. If your results do not improve, you will be held back a year. We welcome you to join potions club, though.  
  
You received a total of one OWL.  
  
Harry was speechless.  
  
Not that he was talking anyway. Well, you know what I mean.  
  
Shut up.  
  
He had got terrible in everything but potions! It should have been the opposite!  
  
Someone had messed with his results!  
  
(Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN)  
  
Either that or he was just really thick. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two:  
  
Harry headed to Kings Cross with a heavy heart.  
  
"Harry! HARRY!"  
  
It was Ron.  
  
"Harry!" said Ron again, sounding breathless. "I got Distinction in everything apart from potions!"  
  
"Well... Done..." said Harry dully. "Keener," he muttered under his breath.  
  
"What was that?" asked Ron cheerfully.  
  
"What about Hermione?" asked Harry.  
  
"She got every owl she took, even potions! What about you?"  
  
"I got a distinction in potions," said Harry proudly.  
  
"Wow," said Ron in awe. "What about everything else?"  
  
Harry ignored him.  
  
Ron thought Harry had miss heard him and asked again.  
  
"What-did-you-get-in-your-OWLs?" Ron asked slowly.  
  
"I'm starving," said Harry enthusiastically, rubbing his tummy.  
  
Lucky for Harry, Hermione came along.  
  
"Harry!" she cried. "What did you get in your OWLs?"  
  
Time for plan B...  
  
Harry arranged his face into what he hoped was a furious look.  
  
"JUST SHUT UP!" roared Harry, slipping into one of his common spaz attacks. "MY GOD FATHER JUST DIED! JUST SHUT UP!"  
  
Ron blinked. "Ooh..." said Ron slowly. "Someone needs to take a chill pill, you bad mood dude."  
  
"Ron!" shrieked Hermione. "Stop being so insensitive!"  
  
"I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK YOU OUT!" roared Ron.  
  
"FINE!" screamed Hermione.  
  
"WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" yelled Ron.  
  
"YES!" screamed Hermione.  
  
"FINE!" screamed Ron.  
  
"FINE!" screamed Hermione.  
  
And they both walked off, which didn't quite have the same effect, as they both went in the same direction.  
  
Harry sat, looking completely confused.  
  
"Huh?" 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three:  
  
At last, the train reached Hogwarts.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Harry.  
  
Brass monkeys had taken over Hogwarts!  
  
"DON'T WORRY!" shouted Dumbledore. "THE SITUATION IS UNDER CONTROL-"  
  
Dumbledore was wrestled to the ground by one of the monkeys, and his head was being continuously whacked with a brass trombone.  
  
Luckily for everyone a massive spaceship came and all the brass monkeys where abducted by aliens and no one apart from Harry remembered a thing so NOW we can get on with this random chapter.  
  
"Dumbledore! Where did the monkeys go?" asked Harry frantically.  
  
"Monkeys...? Harry, what on earth are you talking about?"  
  
"The monkeys sir! You must remember they were hitting you over the head with a trombone!!"  
  
"GO TO THE INFIRMARY!" roared Dumbledore.  
  
"I'm sure Madame Pomphrey has a cure for Lunatics" muttered Dumbledore under his breath.  
  
"Is this story actually going anywhere?" Harry asked Dumbledore.  
  
"I don't think so," he replied. "The writers are obviously high on something... apart from that blonde one. She's very talented. And beautiful..."  
  
"Nah the blond ones a bimbo" said Harry "It's the brown one whos really fit!!"  
  
At that moment, Ron came over.  
  
"The blond one is ssoooooooooo much prettier!" Ron said enthusiastically. "The brown one is just strange. And I think every one else agrees with me!" At this, the whole school murmured it's approval.  
  
Apart from Malfoy who was standing in a corner with a load of Really fit surfer boys (He had recently taken up surfing and left his evil side behind) "I think the brown ones really fine" he said. Along came Orlando Bloom "So do I, they both are!!!" Every one nodded (Who could disagree with that?)  
  
Okay, so now that the writers have sorted out that they are the sexiest girls on the planet, on with the story!  
  
Erm... actually, that's it I think.  
  
The end.  
  
(of the third chapter) 


End file.
